another day in paradise.... slice of my life #12

I felt this looming dread of sadness yesterday. Late in the afternoon, I found out about the horrific shootings in my old home town, Santa Cruz. Two detectives shot dead. Such a loss of these two wonderful people who were serving the town they both loved. I had a real hard time wrapping my head around how this even happened. The shooter never should have had a gun... but he did and he died as well. This is shaking up this small town to it's core. I woke up this morning feeling so sad.

But, I got myself dressed, my son to school, updated emails and facebook, went to yoga, went to the pharmacy, found my new tax accountant, set up an appt for tomorrow, went to the grocery store and went to my favorite thrift store where I always run into friends. Again this morning I did, my yoga teacher was there as well as the farmer's market manager. It was a good time to connect with her as I want to sell my baking mixes and amazing sweet treats this year at the market. When you live in a small town, it is so easy to run all of these errands at once. They are all within a block of each other!
No traffic, no parking problems, no lines... simple living at it's best!!

Once I got home, I was on a roll to work out a recipe for a gluten free, grain free, dairy free muffin. When I have an idea it tends to dance around in my head until I make it happen. I imagined a carrot, raisin, cinnamon, orange muffin. Well I mixed it all up and put it in the oven. Should have taken it out 2 minutes earlier... but wow!! I can't believe it worked! Yummy, moist and drizzled with an orange glaze, just a wee bit. I also used a coconut sugar instead of white sugar. Yeh! yummy. My baking mixes are becoming more and more healthy as the weeks go by. I think I am at about the healthy max right now. So with that it is time to call the department of environmental health and get certified!!

I am really working on getting my "work" life simple. I really can only work 10 hours or so a week. but in that time I need to earn $600. Crazy, I used to have $600 a goal for the day! or the week! but not the month. And this monthly goal seems even harder than it was before. So here is my equation, 10 hours a week \-$15 an hour- 4 weeks = $600. Now how hard should that be!? Believe me it has been so challenging. Of course I need to work from home if possible, have the flexibility to work when I can during the week... and not products on consignment! That is what I did most of last year, and after hours and hours and hours of work, the products may or may not sell. I am going to limit myself to the 3 stores I have now. They are only producing about $75 a month total... not really worth taking on any more. Sorry, I am really thinking out loud as I am writing. I have my March project lined up already. I have a quilt to make! And June and August are set up with teaching camp. But I am rolling into March two months behind financially already.

At the end of March, I am coming down to the bay area. I will be posting an order form for baking mixes and muffins... which I will make up here and bring down. Make sure you order early as I will have limited time to bake ahead of time.

Time to pick up my son. Until tomorrow. enjoy!!

our sunday drive... slice of my life #11

It is so easy just to stay home. there are always projects at hand to do. nice to just be lazy and relax. yesterday was a glorious sunny and clear day. I had to get out of the house!! so, I took my son and our two dogs on a sunday drive. I had read about this place that sold vintage stuff in a small town called linden. after looking at the map I realized it was only an hour plus away. so off we went.

the drive was beautiful. all of the county side was green and sparkling after last week's snow. we drove through a couple of very small towns until we reached our last turn off. no signs, no street numbers, but I thought this must be it. thank goodness another car was leaving as we came in, so I rolled down the window and they said "looking for Nicole?" "yes, I am", "just down this lane,  you will find her". oh good, I didn't get us lost!! ahead of us was this old barn... and out of the side door,
Nicole walked towards us. I told her who I was and she welcomed us in...

I wish I had taken pictures, sorry all. she has converted her side barn where as a child she raised show pigs, into a quaint country vintage shop. I was in heaven!! I was looking for a door to use as a headboard in my room. I managed to find about a dozen pieces that I fell in love with. the hardest part was to narrow down what I could fit in my car to take home. this is what fit!!

1. a very old distressed full size and very heavy door with an amazing iron lock.
2. a pre-pattened kerosene stove in great condition!!
3. a black distressed clock.
4. a side table that is fabulous.
5. an old light fixture that I am going to use as a candle holder.
6. a distressed with burlap picture board.

you see, I have this 10x12 barn that I had built last fall on my property. I think it is going to be an art barn/reading room/vintage goodies barn... I have a vision of how I want it to look... it still needs painting inside and out. needs a front step and a small porch. this is my major spring project. I haven't done anything yet to my backyard of 1/2 acre... and this is one of the focal point. and as you can see, I am chomping at the bit to start decorating it.

so what I left behind.... was an old screen door, a rusted brass bed set, a vintage bathtub, the kind you see in the western movies, a dresser with a mirror that she had restored beautifully and a few other accessories...

I will be posting pictures of my finds shortly.

oh what a fun day!! and to find such a nice new friend on the other end of our sunday country drive.
the drive home was just as beautiful. I went home the other way around. through some amazing farm property, got lost for a brief moment but got back on track quickly. it was so fun to explore this new area and discover such treasures!

planning next Sunday's drive already!! going in the opposite direction unless the treasures I left behind are calling me name!!

the primitive barn, linden, California.
Nicole has a facebook page and an etsy site.

keep it simple.... something special #30

i saw this wonderful post on facebook last week that couldn't explain what i mean by living simply better.

free your heart from hatred.
free your mind from worries.
live simply.
give more.
expect less.

the live simply part for me means.

reduce of the distractions in your life that
prevent you from living authentically.

surround yourself with friends
that make you happy.

do what you love and don't
be attached to the outcomes.

make the best decisions you can with
the information you have.

take care of mother earth.

be healthy. be happy. be flexible.

keep it simple.

something special, #29

my most favorite place to shop is our local thrift store that benefits the local humane society. it is the most happening shop in town. there are so many vacation rentals up here. and it seems that someone is either selling or downsizing weekly. that means a lot of really cool stuff ends up in the thrift store. my son and I go at least twice a week. we find all sorts of clothing, especially cold weather clothing for next to nothing, he rescues a stuffed animal weekly and gives it a better home than at the store and the most awesome household stuff!!
so, the "stuff" is repurposed at the store and not thrown in the dump, we are able to find all sorts of treasures for next to nothing, and our money helps a local charity that serves homeless animals.
to me that is a clear win win win.
we end up spending very little each month of all sorts of treasures!! and feel really good giving them our business!!

something special, just a thought #28.

just read an amazing article about a family in Germany that lives without money. mostly trade and barter, they have an excess of food and housing right now.
challenge thought.... how little money could you live on?
what could you trade or barter? what would your life look
like if money wasn't trapping you?
being on a fixed income has allowed me to visualize the kind of life I want for myself and my family, and figure out how to make it happen within my financial restraints. we moved to an area where housing is so much more reasonable. I reviewed every one of my bills and figured out if I could lower it. and most importantly figured out my budget in order to stay within my money. any extra money is for travel, extras for the house and so on. I truly believe that my life is so much richer now, then when I earned a lot more but had no time or energy to enjoy it. just a thought.

A slice of my life #10.

I have tended to be someone who has a lot of ideas, toss them around, visualize them, talk about them and see what really makes me excited and happy. When one of these ideas starts to create a life of it's own and doesn't feel like a runaway train... I am on to something good. This something good right now is The Big Heart Baking Company. I just posted 3 new posts on it's blogsite. thebigheartbakingcompany.blogspot.com to update what's happening....
My challenge is to keep it manageable. This is the first time I am starting a business without the goal of how big can I make this, how much money can I make but rather will this make me happy, will I be able to do this physically, how do I need to adapt my plan to meet my needs, can I work this within the limitations I have physically and emotionally, is it going to be worth my time and energy to do this... I am physically able to work about 12 hours a week. is this going to be enough?
It doesn't surprise me that this challenge is on my plate. I am learning all over again how to take care of myself and to prioritize my energy. I am no good to anyone, especially my son, if I over do it. I am learning that while I love being a mom, I need something to call my own. This just might be it.
So with firm boundaries, a clear plan and the willingness to try to do this differently... I am moving forward. Only time will tell.

new posts on the big heart baking company blog.

hi all.

i just posted 3 new posts on the big heart baking company blog.

thebigheartbakingcompany.blogspot.com

1. in the beginning.
2. great news!
3. recipe #1 almond macaroon cake.

enjoy the yumminess!

slice of my life #9.

wrote this 5 days ago...

next posts are:
slice of my life 9
baking company 3
something special 28

as you can see, I needed to figure out where I was... ready for slice of my life #9, the big heart baking company #3 and something special #28+. being that it is February 14th, which means we are at day 45 into the new year and I am only at 37 in my total posts... I have some catching up to do.

earlier this week, I felt so much free floating anxiety... couldn't really pinpoint it, but finally realized that I hadn't written in over a week. I am realizing just how important it is to write everyday.
it is the one activity that grounds me while amongst the daily chaos of life. I am someone who has always had tons of ideas, lots of creativity, unrealistic expectations of myself and those around me and as this overachieving person, I begin to spin out of control when I don't ground myself. yes, likely adhd, never have been diagnosed but as I am reading more and more about it, I sure do have a lot of the tendencies... my favorite is to hyper focus. getting to a point where I am so absorbed in what I am doing that the world around me disappears and I am just in the moment. love that!! and yes, I just burned the pizza because I am focused on writing...

in the past, getting myself grounded meant my body did it for me; break an ankle, break a foot, throw a blood clot... you get the picture. my challenge now is to keep myself grounded while in the midst of my life so that I can keep my body from grounded me. when you live with a chronic pain/fatigue condition, illness, whatever you want to call it, the delicate balance of being productive and staying grounded and rested is a daily challenge. often feels like walking a tightrope without a balance bar. all it takes is a slight breeze and I tip over...

being that i have had 7 hours of iep meetings for my son in the last two days, i am tipped over. thank goodness my mom is coming up tomorrow. hopefully i will be napping all weekend.

stay tuned....

a slice of my life #8, the big heart baking co. #2

greetings.

so, I got my son to school this morning, filled up the car with gas, went to the grocery store for a few things, battled with sprint, and now am sitting in my very comfortable perch writing... trying to decide if I should go to exercise class. haven't been in two weeks, and now it is a possibility... hoping that I am not trying to do too much, but at the same time really needing to stretch.
yesterday, my first try of chocolate cake using my baking mix was a bust. way too dry. could have cooked too long or should have added more wet to compensate for the cocoa powder. the best batch I have made up I added sweet potato and banana to. so I am going to make this up again and add some applesauce to it. other than a little dry, it was really good. I would love to perfect a chocolate version by using my basic baking mix. then I would have a "vanilla" and a "chocolate" versions. looks like the mix is going to cost about $6.00. betty crocker is $5-5.50 and only makes up 12 cupcakes. mine a bit more will make 16-24 cupcakes. a much better value. and by using almond flour instead of all rice flour, it is higher in protein and lower in carbs. I will report in how today's version turns out.
as I am researching recipes, creating baking mixes and in awe of very detailed cake decorating.... I think my next "career" really needs to be one of a pastry chef. not one that goes out and works 40+ hours, but one who works from home creating and sharing...
if only I knew how to get paid doing this? think I can sell 150 baking mixes to friends and family every month?? that would do it!
ok. I am putting this in my draft folder and going to class. should be interesting...
well it is nearly 4 hours later. I went to class and it had been cancelled. our instructor now has the flu. decided to work the circuit for 15minutes and stretch for another 10 minutes. came home and have napped for nearly 3 hours. better than nothing, right??
kept thinking while I was napping..... if I took 6 of my dry muffin cakes, crumbled them all up, added some butter... could I turn them into a pie crust??

simple dinners. # 25-27

the hardest part of my day is between 3-6pm. of course this is the time that the most important things of the day need to happen; dinner, homework, bath and getting ready for bed. dinners are always daunting for me. I would love to actually cook a good healthy meal each day, but that doesn't always happen. I have a couple of go to dinners when I am not feeling good and haven't loaded up the crockpot in the morning.

1. we love corn tortillas. so in my large skillet i layer a corn tortilla, some mozzarella cheese, some turkey breast and another tortilla. this is our new version of a grilled cheese sandwich. super easy to make and my son loves it. add some baby carrots for vegetables... and it is a done deal.

2. my version of the above is to skip the meat, add a bit more cheese and put in a dollop of pesto sauce. unbelievable! so yummy. yes, i add lots of fresh baby carrots on my plate as well.

3. when i don't want something hot, i slice tomatoes, fresh mozzarella cheese and toast some rice bread with pesto. make into little sandwiches... yummmmmy.

i seem to be hooked on pesto at the moment. found this store bought version that is super yummy. will be planting basil to make my own this summer. who knows what whim i will be on next. tune in to find out!!

slice of life #7.

well it has been almost a week since I have written. clearly this flu/fibromyalgia flare has knocked me on my butt. all I want to do is sleep. and have been 12-14 hours a day. I would even more if I didn't have to be "mom" as well. my dear son was so wonderful this weekend. he told me I could lay in bed and rest and he would bring his toys in to my room to play with. we played hours of legos... watched too much foodnetwork, and the superbowl. I actually taught him how to play football. gosh those years of being a cheerleader in college really paid off this weekend!!
I have baked, cooked, sewn, quilted, read or knit in the past week. that really tells you how lousy I have been feeling. our alarm clock didn't go off this morning so it was a quick get out of bed day. once we was off to carpool I went back to sleep. again not getting up until 11ish.
I was determined to bake a chocolate cake. I know that sounds really funny, but it has been dancing in my head and it needed to be done. I took my basic baking mix and added cocoa powder to it. we will see how it does. the heart shaped cupcakes are in the oven as I write.
I have been thinking a lot about how I am going to make the small amount of money I need to each month to supplement my disability. years ago when I ran my wedding gown design business, I would brainstorm how I was going to make $10,000 a month... now I just am trying to figure out how to make $400-800 a month. in the design days, that amount would be what I should be making in a day, not a month. and this amount seems as hard to make as the $10.000 was years ago.
of course, I have a ton of ideas. that is what I do best, come up with ideas. but the problem becomes in the making it happen side. the unpredictability of my fibromyalgia really squashes so many of my ideas. one day I think it is brilliant, then next I wonder what was I thinking. if it was possible to make $2.00 for each view of my blog, I would be set. this is what I can really do on a sustainable basis. but how on earth do I tie this in to income. "google" was already denied adsense for my blog. likely because it is so new, and small. what feels right for me right now, is to write. what a great sentence that is. as well as come up with new recipes for my baking mix. I don't want to go commercial with it, so selling the mix to friends and family has it's limits.
yes, I sew.... but sewing has been really daunting lately. my hands go numb so quickly and my back goes into spasms so quickly. I have a great opportunity to make dog harnesses... just need to get ink for my printer and get to it. my plan is to get out tomorrow to stretch class and to get ink. oh yeh!!
so time will tell how long I am in this fatigue funk... hopefully it will lift soon. I does give me time to
reflect on all the small things I am grateful for. that in itself is rewarding. time to take out my 16 heart shaped cocoa cupcakes. hope they turned out. the kitchen at least smells wonderful!!