good morning. it is a beautiful sunny and very cold morning.
this past Thursday, I treated myself to 4 hours of a handywoman's assistance in helping me finish projects. finally got the bathroom finished. I had about 3 sq feet that still needed painting. but it was up high and painting over my head is not at all comfortable for me. she changed the light bulb in the hallway. not a big deal, I know. but I hadn't done it for 6 months. very low on my to do list. she also finished painting the hall way and got to cabinet knobs fixed for me. huge success!!! money well spent. got to know her better, she is also our pto president. I knew I wanted to get to know her when I saw that she drove a vintage orange vw camper bus. so way cool!!
crossing off items on my "finish the house to do list" felt so wonderful!! p.s. she is coming back next week!!
it is very hard for me to ask for help. I am a do it myself kind of gal. stubbornly independent. but as I am finding even up here in the mountains, I have limited energy. so hard for me to admit. I use to work 12-16 hours a day. 5-7 days a week. one down day a week and I could recharge. now my fibromyalgia related exhaustion/ fatigue creeps up on me so much earlier in the day. I am up at 7am, unheard of for me, but I don't the power to change the start time at school! lol!! If all I am doing is taking wm to school, gently exercising 30-1hr, doing about 2 hours of "stuff", therapy appt, or knitting circle, or quilting guild, or cooking/baking, or writing, or sewing, or running errands then a bit of housework, picking up wm at 2pm... I am out of energy by 4ish. pushing thru to get homework done, dinner on the table, wm's night routine, we are in bed by 7pm. 6.30 is more my speed. we read in bed and watch a bit of tv, always the food network!! yes, my son loves to watch the cooking competition shows as I do. as he was eating my new favorite cake recipe, he said to me "mommy, if you were on "chopped", you would win!!" that sure did warm my heart!!. we are both asleep between 7.30-9. that is my day. add more to that and I am likely to be overly tired the next day. then, I have to slow down even more, catch up on more sleep to get back on track.
the acceptance of this schedule is very hard for me. I am trying to be kinder and gentler to myself... ask for help when needed... know I just cannot do what I did years ago.... and be so grateful that I get to stop and smell the roses, enjoy life in a slower and deliberate way and can become more mindful not mind full.
we are going to gently enjoy this day!
Showing posts with label single mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single mom. Show all posts
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
a slice of my life. #1.
the key to my life is pacing. as long as I pace out my activities, exercise, challenges, I tend to be able to manage fairly well.
but, when I have a day like yesterday:
drive an hour in the cold/ice to an eye doctor's appt.
wait for 2 hours for a 10 minute follow up appt. (I tore my retina 6 weeks ago).
rush thru walmart to get the 8 items on my list.
drive back an hour to get my son at school.
drive again a half hour to his intake evaluation appointment,
which included an hour interview with me telling his birth story
until now, which is crazy stressful for me to tell....
drive a few minutes to get a quick hamburger with a gluten free bun!! yeh!! eat in the car on the way back home....
stop off at the dump to off load garbage....
then get home.
to unload my shopping.
get dinner ready for William, who decided he hated the hamburger we got.
ck emails, facebook, blog.
by 6:15, I had hit the wall. we were in bed at 6.45. watched an hour of food network, "chopped", our favorite show.
by 8pm we were both asleep. that's my 7 year old and I.
so you would think that after 10-11 hours of solid, good sleep I should feel rested. NOT. I am exhausted. I am a bit sick to my stomach (typical warning sign for me that I am exhausted).
I am feeling that I am being sucked into that horrible black hole of my self critical place. "I never get anything done. My son deserves a parent who can keep up with him. I should do more. I should be better at getting things done. I should have a cleaner house. I should be able to provide better for my family".... yadda yadda yadda. the critical talk starts to sing it's familiar song.
so what am I going to do to take care of myself today.. get up, that in itself is huge. if I hadn't been on carpool morning duty. I would have slept the day away. but I didn't. I got the kids to school on time. I got to the post office. I got to the market. I got to class. I got home. I have ckd emails and facebook, this makes me feel connected to my friends who I moved away from. I have baked a cake. a new recipe that I haven't wanted to try. and now I am going to get my son.
we will have a very very slow afternoon. a very very early dinner. and go to bed very early again. it is so much easier maintaining this kind of schedule up here in the mountains where there is so little external distraction. one of the main reasons I moved us here.
that is an accurate slice of my life... when I have done too much and my fibromyalgia is flaring. I feel the exhaustion before I feel the pain. 3-4 days of recovery after a stressful day like yesterday. hope to be feeling better by the weekend. and if not, we will be watching a lot of movies, taking it slow, and not doing much else this weekend.
I miss my mom and friends who babysat for me while we lived in the bay area. the hardest part of being here is not have a team of babysitters that can punt for me when I need to be napping and recharging.
m
but, when I have a day like yesterday:
drive an hour in the cold/ice to an eye doctor's appt.
wait for 2 hours for a 10 minute follow up appt. (I tore my retina 6 weeks ago).
rush thru walmart to get the 8 items on my list.
drive back an hour to get my son at school.
drive again a half hour to his intake evaluation appointment,
which included an hour interview with me telling his birth story
until now, which is crazy stressful for me to tell....
drive a few minutes to get a quick hamburger with a gluten free bun!! yeh!! eat in the car on the way back home....
stop off at the dump to off load garbage....
then get home.
to unload my shopping.
get dinner ready for William, who decided he hated the hamburger we got.
ck emails, facebook, blog.
by 6:15, I had hit the wall. we were in bed at 6.45. watched an hour of food network, "chopped", our favorite show.
by 8pm we were both asleep. that's my 7 year old and I.
so you would think that after 10-11 hours of solid, good sleep I should feel rested. NOT. I am exhausted. I am a bit sick to my stomach (typical warning sign for me that I am exhausted).
I am feeling that I am being sucked into that horrible black hole of my self critical place. "I never get anything done. My son deserves a parent who can keep up with him. I should do more. I should be better at getting things done. I should have a cleaner house. I should be able to provide better for my family".... yadda yadda yadda. the critical talk starts to sing it's familiar song.
so what am I going to do to take care of myself today.. get up, that in itself is huge. if I hadn't been on carpool morning duty. I would have slept the day away. but I didn't. I got the kids to school on time. I got to the post office. I got to the market. I got to class. I got home. I have ckd emails and facebook, this makes me feel connected to my friends who I moved away from. I have baked a cake. a new recipe that I haven't wanted to try. and now I am going to get my son.
we will have a very very slow afternoon. a very very early dinner. and go to bed very early again. it is so much easier maintaining this kind of schedule up here in the mountains where there is so little external distraction. one of the main reasons I moved us here.
that is an accurate slice of my life... when I have done too much and my fibromyalgia is flaring. I feel the exhaustion before I feel the pain. 3-4 days of recovery after a stressful day like yesterday. hope to be feeling better by the weekend. and if not, we will be watching a lot of movies, taking it slow, and not doing much else this weekend.
I miss my mom and friends who babysat for me while we lived in the bay area. the hardest part of being here is not have a team of babysitters that can punt for me when I need to be napping and recharging.
m
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Saturday, January 5, 2013
welcome to my journey.
welcome to my journey.
six months ago today, I moved my 6 year old son, our two small dogs and myself from the heart of silicon valley to a very small town in the sierra mountains.
I can say without a doubt this is the best decision I have ever made.
I have been an over-achieving, driven, creative, business minded gal all of my life. eventually, it all caught up with me. I am now on disability with a fixed income. in order to be able to live on $1500 a month, i needed to move from the bay area. we have been living with my mom for the past 2 years. it was great timing, but not healthy for either of us for the long haul.
my mom has a cabin up here. I have spent every summer for the past 15 years visiting this area. i consider it my second home. last summer, while my son and i were spending our summer vacation here, it was obvious to me that this was the time, and this was the place to move to. we looked at the rental market and the real estate market. the timing was perfect to buy and with my mom's help we did. we found a quaint 2 bedroom house, close to town, and needing very few repairs. it all worked out and now this is our home.
immediately our lives simplified. only one market, no box stores, few restaurants, no movie theatre, no bowling alley, no stop lights, no traffic,
only one school with only 155 students, no starbucks, no peets, a small post office... you get the picture.
what we gained was lots of fresh air, numerous lakes to swim, kayak and fish in. a beautiful state park for hiking and exploring, lots of new friends. and the ability to finally take a deep breathe and exhale the stress of the past many years, and so much more.
I have wanted to simplify our lives for years... get back to the basics without
the distractions that move you in the opposite direction.
I wanted to release my full mind and become mindful.
I wanted to get back to all of the domestic arts that i love; cooking, baking, stitching, knitting, quilting, spinning, felting, weaving, gardening, home decorating... basically creating a heartfelt life and home.
this blog is my journal of my journey...
six months ago today, I moved my 6 year old son, our two small dogs and myself from the heart of silicon valley to a very small town in the sierra mountains.
I can say without a doubt this is the best decision I have ever made.
I have been an over-achieving, driven, creative, business minded gal all of my life. eventually, it all caught up with me. I am now on disability with a fixed income. in order to be able to live on $1500 a month, i needed to move from the bay area. we have been living with my mom for the past 2 years. it was great timing, but not healthy for either of us for the long haul.
my mom has a cabin up here. I have spent every summer for the past 15 years visiting this area. i consider it my second home. last summer, while my son and i were spending our summer vacation here, it was obvious to me that this was the time, and this was the place to move to. we looked at the rental market and the real estate market. the timing was perfect to buy and with my mom's help we did. we found a quaint 2 bedroom house, close to town, and needing very few repairs. it all worked out and now this is our home.
immediately our lives simplified. only one market, no box stores, few restaurants, no movie theatre, no bowling alley, no stop lights, no traffic,
only one school with only 155 students, no starbucks, no peets, a small post office... you get the picture.
what we gained was lots of fresh air, numerous lakes to swim, kayak and fish in. a beautiful state park for hiking and exploring, lots of new friends. and the ability to finally take a deep breathe and exhale the stress of the past many years, and so much more.
I have wanted to simplify our lives for years... get back to the basics without
the distractions that move you in the opposite direction.
I wanted to release my full mind and become mindful.
I wanted to get back to all of the domestic arts that i love; cooking, baking, stitching, knitting, quilting, spinning, felting, weaving, gardening, home decorating... basically creating a heartfelt life and home.
this blog is my journal of my journey...
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